Alvin Rant

Hi guys, So my school has this program called the Australian Army Cadets, allowing all students to be able to participate in this extracurricular activity held by the school where students can practice army manners, drill practices (like marching), and go out on camps and activities to develop teamwork and survival skills. I only participated in year 9, but quit straight after. But it sounds pretty fun right? Don't fall for it, army cadets is a fucking scam. You're just forking over a few hundred bucks (the army cadets fee) to torture yourself for the rest of the school year. I swear to god it's a fucking cult. All the kids there are brainwashed into thinking this shitty program is actually benefitting them, attracting their mates to join in on the 'fun' as well. Well I'm here to debunk the whole thing. If you thought the army cadet program was going to be about developing your camoflauge skills, leadership characteristics and meeting new friends and people, fuc...

At number 5, we have the Asian accent. You know when Jessica Xiao wants to see "Lord of the Lings" and go out for some "fwied lice" that she's gonna go far in life. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the males. If your a guy and you have a thick yellow fellow accent, I'm sorry but your not cute or cuddly, you just sound like a crackhead. At number 4, we got Italian, a romantically beautiful language, with an even sexier accent. Think of a 220cm tall Mario caress-A-ing you on a cool starry night, slowly lean-A-ing in for a soft italian kiss. My bad. But seriously there's something so attractive from nonsensical hand signals and adding vowels in between every word you say. Top tier accent. At number 3, we have the French, an accent as delicious and sweet as their almond coated croissants. You will not understand a single thing they say, but it doesn't matter because the shit they're spewing is straight love language. If only my French class...

 Hi guys, Who actually likes seafood? I'm tired of eating this bullshit and pretending its good. I'd actually rather eat straight from my dog's asshole than eat another fucking oyster. And it doesn't help that Vietnamese culture considers seafood a 'delicacy'. Below, I'm going to document the various types of seafood and why most are complete bullshit.  Crab. God forbid I have another crab. Yes, of course I want to spend 10 minutes trying to crack open a crab leg, drenching my fingers in crab juices, all to get a booger's worth of meat that tastes like 26 day old chicken, not to mention all the tiny shell shards stuck inside that will give the crab a disgusting crunchiness. Genuinely what is the appeal of crab? It tastes like shit, difficult to cook, and they don't even swim properly, they just fucking crawl on the ocean floor like the little shits they are. The same goes for other types of shellfish, such as lobsters or crawfish: horrid and not wort...

 This is one of those abstract artworks they sell for $2 million at art shows. Never drink the 1% alchohol lychee drink, shittiest hangover ever.