Alvin Rant

Hi guys, So if you haven't read the first part of this, go back and read it. It should be just under or above this one, and it's got some background information so you can better understand what I'm talking about. First off, the camps. THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT... was actually pretty fun. Don't get me wrong, there was still a ton of bullshit during these camps, but overall it was a pretty enjoyable experience. Doesn't make up for the rest of army cadets though. Unfortunately, throughout my Year 9 cadet experience, I was only able to attend one out of three of the army camps (I got sick so I couldn't attend the other two). This camp was the first one, the training camp. This is where we learned the in's and out's of the structure of army cadets, teamwork and survival skills, and navigation. The place we camped at was uh... I have no fucking clue. Genuinely it was just these sad ass looking trees everywhere you went.  Example of the terrain. Let's start wi...

Hi guys, So my school has this program called the Australian Army Cadets, allowing all students to be able to participate in this extracurricular activity held by the school where students can practice army manners, drill practices (like marching), and go out on camps and activities to develop teamwork and survival skills. I only participated in year 9, but quit straight after. But it sounds pretty fun right? Don't fall for it, army cadets is a fucking scam. You're just forking over a few hundred bucks (the army cadets fee) to torture yourself for the rest of the school year. I swear to god it's a fucking cult. All the kids there are brainwashed into thinking this shitty program is actually benefitting them, attracting their mates to join in on the 'fun' as well. Well I'm here to debunk the whole thing. If you thought the army cadet program was going to be about developing your camoflauge skills, leadership characteristics and meeting new friends and people, fuc...

At number 5, we have the Asian accent. You know when Jessica Xiao wants to see "Lord of the Lings" and go out for some "fwied lice" that she's gonna go far in life. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the males. If your a guy and you have a thick yellow fellow accent, I'm sorry but your not cute or cuddly, you just sound like a crackhead. At number 4, we got Italian, a romantically beautiful language, with an even sexier accent. Think of a 220cm tall Mario caress-A-ing you on a cool starry night, slowly lean-A-ing in for a soft italian kiss. My bad. But seriously there's something so attractive from nonsensical hand signals and adding vowels in between every word you say. Top tier accent. At number 3, we have the French, an accent as delicious and sweet as their almond coated croissants. You will not understand a single thing they say, but it doesn't matter because the shit they're spewing is straight love language. If only my French class...

 Hi guys, Who actually likes seafood? I'm tired of eating this bullshit and pretending its good. I'd actually rather eat straight from my dog's asshole than eat another fucking oyster. And it doesn't help that Vietnamese culture considers seafood a 'delicacy'. Below, I'm going to document the various types of seafood and why most are complete bullshit.  Crab. God forbid I have another crab. Yes, of course I want to spend 10 minutes trying to crack open a crab leg, drenching my fingers in crab juices, all to get a booger's worth of meat that tastes like 26 day old chicken, not to mention all the tiny shell shards stuck inside that will give the crab a disgusting crunchiness. Genuinely what is the appeal of crab? It tastes like shit, difficult to cook, and they don't even swim properly, they just fucking crawl on the ocean floor like the little shits they are. The same goes for other types of shellfish, such as lobsters or crawfish: horrid and not wort...

 This is one of those abstract artworks they sell for $2 million at art shows. Never drink the 1% alchohol lychee drink, shittiest hangover ever.

Hi guys, I'm going to be talking about one of my good friends from school. I won't mention his real name, so we'll just refer to him as Mandy Din.  First off, let me just tell you how much I hate this little fucking Mandy Din. He's fat. He's Chinese. He's one of the biggest losers I have ever known. Now, let's be serious for a second here guys, please do not tell Mandy Din about this blog post. This man is a  black belt  in karate, and he would definitely beat my ass to a pulp without a moment's notice. No seriously, this guy is beating up grown ass adults in his Tuesday karate classes, pulling off insane kickflips and lightning-fast jabs, I would be done for. Next, this guy seriously thinks he's the shit just because he takes Army Cadets. Army Cadets is a program my school offers, providing opportunities to improve collaboration, discipline and survival skills. That's all complete bullshit though, and it just gives an excuse for students in olde...

If you ever want to make a 5-star Michelin Masterchef Gordon Ramsay quality asian delicacy, there is only one solution. Fish sauce. Holy shit, when my dad started teaching me how to use fish sauce in cooking, it did absolute wonders. Making pasta? Some fishiness in the pasta sauce never hurt anyone. Stir frying? Chuck the whole bottle in, why not. I know at first glance, fish sauce might just look and smell like shit in a bottle. But trust me, the delicate saltiness and flavour it can add is so fucking majestic. No wonder my mum's cooking tastes better than your average $30 vietnamese restaurant meal, she must be going through half a bottle every dinner. Seriously, if your cooking tastes like complete ass, go get some fish sauce and just drench your whole thing in it. Frying eggs. Baking cakes. Sucking dick. Trust me, put it on everything.