The Atrocities of Army Cadets

Hi guys,

So my school has this program called the Australian Army Cadets, allowing all students to be able to participate in this extracurricular activity held by the school where students can practice army manners, drill practices (like marching), and go out on camps and activities to develop teamwork and survival skills. I only participated in year 9, but quit straight after.

But it sounds pretty fun right?

Don't fall for it, army cadets is a fucking scam. You're just forking over a few hundred bucks (the army cadets fee) to torture yourself for the rest of the school year. I swear to god it's a fucking cult. All the kids there are brainwashed into thinking this shitty program is actually benefitting them, attracting their mates to join in on the 'fun' as well. Well I'm here to debunk the whole thing.

If you thought the army cadet program was going to be about developing your camoflauge skills, leadership characteristics and meeting new friends and people, fuck you. In reality, you are going to have to cough up another two hours every Monday to stay back at school to do you know what? Fucking walking. About 97% of army cadets is something we call 'dress and drill'. Dress refers to our uniforms. First off, these uniforms smelt and felt like ass. They were these 500 year old almost pyjama-like clothes that we had to wear with boots and a bush hat. And they were OUR responsibility. Didn't matter if it was tattered up, too short/big or too low quality when we got them, it was OUR job to fucking iron the shit out of them so that there wasn't a SINGLE crease on these fuckers. We were expected to pull up to every single army training meeting with perfect uniforms. And holy shit these things were so fucking easy to crease. You bend your arms, back or legs too much on the way to school whilst wearing this and congratulations your getting your ass slimed in the next cadets meeting.

And the actual meetings/trainings themselves were hell. Look, marching was quite simple. Just walk in a rhythmic pattern and follow the seargeant's commands. But it was absolute hell to try and get 30 dumbasses (around the number of kids in a platoon, which is what the army cadets was divided into) to do a synchronised march across school grounds. Me personally, I could follow all the voice commands flawlessly. The shitheads around me however, must've been high on the shittiest marijuana they could find in the back alleys because holy shit these dickheads cannot follow orders for shit. 

And it did NOT help that the seargeants and lieutenants were continuously screaming at us to get the marching right. By the way, since the entirety of army cadets is mainly student-led, these so called 'seargeants' and 'lieutenants' are just fucking Year 10's and 11's. Yeah so the dickheads commanding you around screaming their head off are in reality just 1 or 2 years older than you. Outside of army cadets, they have ZERO fucking status, ZERO fucking redeeming qualities, the ONLY reason why they have a higher rank than you is because they fucking sucked off all the higher rank leaders when they were newbie cadets, begging them for a promotion. Imagine just a group of guys maybe 1 year older than you insisting that you address them as 'sir' and that you gotta fix up your hat and uniform whilst giving you the shittiest look. Shut the fuck up my guy who even are you?

And the amount of time this bullshit program sucks out of you. Seriously, I was already struggling to keep up my grades back in Year 9 (because I was a drop), and it did NOT help that I had to do 2 hours every monday with an ADDITIONAL hour or two during the school week to do ADDITIONAL marching practice. Oh yeah and you could never use army cadets as an excuse for poor schoolwork. The shitheads at your platoon flaming you for your poor uniform and shitty marching technique? Too bad, your grades are going to be just as shit.

There's a lot more I could talk about army cadets, such as camps, the type of people in the program, the rare activities that weren't just marching around the school. If you liked this one, I might do a part 2 later.

Fuck you army cadets,

Alvin